Mental health affects us all in some way, yet I’ve often struggled to relate to how it is talked about. A lot of the conversation can feel polished or distant from how it actually feels to live through it.  

For me, mental health was never just a label. It was the feeling of being trapped in my own mind, trying to cope with pain I didn’t yet have words for.  

Mental health and recovery are deeply linked for me. A lot of my addiction came from trying to self-soothe. Growing up in dysfunction, I found ways to escape. Some were more harmless, like fantasy and imagination. Later, that same pattern took a different form. It became thoughts around the next big bet, lucky signs, and convincing myself I knew something I didn’t. My mind would tell me stories that felt true, even when they clearly weren’t. 

There has also been a lot of stigma and shame. I put a huge amount of pressure on myself. That inner critic in my head was loud saying, “You should have done this,” or “If only you had done that, things would be better.” It wasn’t until I had some CFT therapy that I really heard the word compassion in a way that meant something. Learning about compassion for myself and others gave me a softer way to speak to myself. Compassion-focused therapy helped me approach my mental health with more warmth, kindness and openness.  

What I will say is that recovery is directly linked to my wellbeing. Some days I feel okay, and some days are hard. Money plays a big part in that too. There are days when I say to myself, “I don’t have a mental health problem, I have a money problem.” That helps me see that some of what I feel is linked to pressure, instability and the reality of how hard life can be.  

Later in life, I was diagnosed with autism, and I also strongly relate to ADHD. Mental health can be harder when you are neurodivergent, but I am learning to stop judging myself by neurotypical standards. I may fail, but that does not make me a failure. I have made mistakes, but I am not the mistake.  

For me, recovery and mental health are tied together. I will probably always be in recovery in some way because I experience life through emotions, and that is part of my mental health. What addiction has taught me is how to notice where I am, what has helped before, and what I might need next. Life will always test us. The difference now is that I can look back and see my progress as a reference point for all the tougher times and I like to think of those moments as graduation events – times where I came through something without reacting in the same way I once would have done in the past.

Josh Cove