When once I was rushing, feeling completely empty, not knowing where to focus, becoming emotionally reactive without pause…
I’ve had to learn to listen to myself in the silence, the moments that are slow, the moments where every thought should I, shouldn’t I have seep in. And in a world where people are living their lives without a handbook means that decisions are ultimately our own to ride.
Realising that my independence and freedom comes from within, I have choices and these choices come from what is truly important to me. Time is precious and although i am still learning to sit back pause and think, what is important right now is the little things such as playing with my daughter even when the washing needs to be hung up.
Sometimes I will make it into a game to share life skills or I will delay when I put the washing on so imagination can be at the forefront and head to the park where nature rebalances both our connection to each other and being in the moment. I know some decisions I may well rethink after could i do it differently well yes maybe especially if the impact creates the need for regulation.
But learning to be ok with that has allowed me to reflect and trust in myself that even if somethings didn’t go to plan i can do something about it. Sometimes things are out of my control due to environmental factors or other peoples decisions, thoughts and feelings when i navigate that with compassion, empathy and also with what energy I can provide to it I know that I have given it my best. If I don’t understand something I have a choice, to ask, find out by researching or do what I think is best for that situation.
Time is precious and what energy I have sometimes dictates the choices I make if I do not have the energy I take myself back to the silence, I will rest, I will earth my feet outside in the garden and come away from situations that may take up the last bit of energy I have to give as I have realised for me filling others cups has to come from my own cup that is already filled.
I have the choice to say no or yes as long as the reasons are right for me in that moment. My Choice allows freedom and allows my independence even to the point of how I cut up a watermelon. Freedom for me is knowing it’s ok to make a decision even if the outcome looks different and if I want to try it differently next time it’s ok.
It allows myself to trust that I have made the choice based on what is within my capabilities of focus, knowledge, energy and time at that specific moment and that is ok.
